Santa Claus is coming to a press release near you

Ah, the Christmas spirit -- it inspires companies and the government to send out those jolly old holiday press releases.

Item 1: Let's start with U.S. Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood, who brings up Santa in LaHood's blog Tuesday:

I am pleased to report that, just moments ago, FAA chief Randy Babbitt cleared Santa Claus for his traditional round-the-world holiday mission.

Said Babbitt: "Santa and his crew have always shown extraordinary professionalism. I'm certain they'll pull off this year's flight without a hitch."

Our note: We bet Santa exceeds the maximum duty time limits on his Christmas flight. And he's past the FAA-mandated retirement age of 65, anyway.

Item 2: Aircell says that Santa Claus has had his sleigh outfitted with Gogo internet service like Aircell is installing in airplanes flown by a number of U.S. airlines.

"Now I can instant message with the elves inflight with last minute updates and to keep everything running on schedule," Santa declared.

"I can also update my Facebook page so Mrs. Claus will know when I'll be home. What I'm most excited about, though, is the ability to check weather patterns inflight and avoid delays that might mar my perfect delivery record."

Our note: Does Row 44 know that Santa has been co-opted? Row 44 should offer an installation for its satellite-based service so Santa can get Internet service outside North America.

Item 3: Verizon Business is teaming up with NORAD to help kids keep track of Santa's position.

On the big night, the answer will be only a toll-free call away. Verizon Business again is teaming with the North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD) to provide a special free hotline for children and their parents to speak with a volunteer at the famed military center.

Starting Dec. 24 at 2 a.m. Mountain time through 3 a.m. Mountain time on Dec. 25, children across the U.S. and Canada can call 1-877-HI-NORAD to determine Santa's exact location on Christmas Eve. (Callers outside North America can reach the NORAD Tracks Santa hotline by dialing the local Colorado Springs number at 719-556-5211 using the appropriate country code. International charges can apply.)

In addition, tw telecom said it also partnering with NORAD to track Santa.

Our note: We hope that this ability to precisely track Santa whereabouts won't be used by kids to stay up as late as possible -- or get their parents up on Christmas Day as early as possible.

Item 4: The Mission Economic Development Authority in Mission, Texas, is suggesting that a new international bridge may speed Santa's trip this year.

"I completely understand why Santa would have confidence that the new Anzalduas International Crossing would save him some serious time on his deliveries this year," says Pat Townsend, CEO of the Mission Economic Development Authority in Mission, Texas.

"With the strategic location of the Anzalduas Bridge, he would certainly be able to make his Christmas deliveries to the good little boys and girls across North America faster than ever."

Our note: Where he goes, Santa doesn't need roads.

Item 5: AirTran Airways remembered Santa in its annual press release about making holiday travel easier.

Leave Milk for Santa and other Liquids at the Door - Travelers are allowed to bring thirst-quenchers onto an airplane, but only if they are purchased at the airport beyond the security checkpoint.

Our note: And Santa doesn't really want milk that's been out for two hours before the flight, three hours during the flight and two hours at the other end before you can get it back in the refrigerator. To test this theory, pour a glass of milk, sit it on the table and then drink it after seven hours.

Item 6: GE has designed a next-generation sleigh for Santa Claus.

The sleigh would have a carbon-fiber frame, OLED lights, 500 GB holographic disc to hold the list of naughty and nice, sodium batteries, a RFID sensor to make sure the milk hasn't spoiled, Trip Optimizer and tracking technology.

Said Mark Little, senior vice president and director of GE Global Research:

"In the spirit of the holiday season, we thought it would be fun to imagine what our scientists and engineers could do if we put our technology achievements together to design and build a concept 'Sleigh of the Future' for Santa Claus."

Our note: The reindeer would appreciate a lighter sleigh. But Santa is old school.

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